Spontaneous vaginal birth in the shower, minimal intervention - Monique

HOSPITAL BIRTH / DECLINED INDUCTION / PERCEIVED SMALL BABY

We planned to have a homebirth. Our lounge set up with birth pool, candles, fairy lights and many things I had been given at my Mothers Blessing; Art, letters and creations made by family and friends.

At 40 weeks pregnant I reluctantly had a scan due to previous scans showing she was on the small side of ‘normal’. They were wanting to make sure she was still within the ‘acceptable range’ to be supported at home. The scan showed that she had hardly grown in the last few weeks. What I’d hoped would be a quick hospital visit, turned out very long. Wanting me to see the doctors, and the Homebirth I’d hoped for, was taken off the cards. I was now considered ‘high risk’. My CMP (Community Midwifery Program) Midwife would support me at the hospital instead. I was hooked up to the CTG monitoring while waiting for the doctors. The head Midwife gave me the heads up, that would be recommending an induction. This was all quite a lot to process. Upon questioning her further, she said if I were her sister, she would tell her too get an induction. Not what I wanted to hear. Then I was surrounded by doctors, they told me how concerned they were and that inducing would be the safest option, because it could be my placenta is ‘expiring’ and if it stopped before she is born she could die in the womb. Very comforting and uprooting to hear. If I didn’t question/stand my ground – which was hard – I’d have been booked in for an induction in the next day or two. They allowed my partner Nik in, as eventually I realised I shouldn’t have to make a decision alone. We were set on not being induced from the outset, but it really shook my trust in my body and baby. They wanted us to talk to the doctor again – to try to convince us to go ahead with the induction, but we just left.

So, for the next few days, I felt very anxious, tense and nervous, dwelling on if I’d made the right decision and dreading the possibility of her dying in the womb and it being my fault. The only way to ease these awful feelings, was for her to come. So thankfully labour started early Friday (40+2) morning at 3am. In the meantime I had done a bit of research and felt there wasn’t evidence of any benefits (or risks) of inducing labour for smaller babies

I felt pretty angry/manipulated that they’d presented it to me as the best/safest option and not once telling me the risks of induction – which I’d thankfully learned during pregnancy.

So once labour began I could focus on that instead of my worries. I called Mum who was strangely already awake. I’d been undecided if I was going to call her but was an obvious choice – especially because she wouldn’t be able to connect to the hospital. Her and Nik were great – provided comfort through the unavoidably uncomfortable contractions. We had the candles on and I read some birthing affirmations and so did Nik when I had my surges. I moved around lots – sitting on the ball holding onto/pulling on Nik, leaning on the kitchen bench, standing with arms around Nik/Mums neck. Laying down at one point.

Mum tracked my surges on her phone and after a while we called our Midwife, who said to call back/go in when they were 2-3 minutes apart for 30 minutes. They were 5 minutes apart for a while but by morning they were pretty close and intense enough to make noise about it so we got in the car (about 9am).

Although the thought of driving to and being at the hospital made me tempted to just stay. I put an eye mask on because I didn’t want any stimulation.

We got there and I really needed to just get into a quiet dark room, but they were a pain at the entrance – even though Nik had called ahead, and we had a negative RATs already. There were lots of back and forth, I was having contractions on the desk of the reception. Someone brought me a wheelchair (I WANTED A DAM ROOM NOT A WHEELCHAIR). A random Midwife eventually saw that I needed to go to the birth suite and took us there. Then we were put in a little room, but told it wasn’t the labour room. I just took my clothes off and went in the shower in the dark little bathroom. Nik and the head Midwife were in and out – Nik trying to figure out what was going on/when we could get a room, and the midwife telling me the same stuff about their concerns and wanting to put CTG monitoring on. I got Nik to show everyone my birth preferences which pretty much said I don’t want any interventions and to be left alone.

The Midwife asked me ‘well what can they do for me’. I said, the most relaxed environment possible. I didn’t see her after that. We eventually got assigned a new midwife as all the CMP midwives were very busy. (I later found out there were 8 births that day.) The delay had been getting Nik a vaccination exemption. We got stuff together and walked across to the labour rooms in a towel and eye mask again. A relief to finally be in the dark bathroom where I could stay until giving birth.

It had all plateaued during the transfer because I couldn’t relax. I moved from the toilet to shower. Niks presence was a great comfort. My midwife asked again about CTG monitoring and if I’d talk to the doctors – who wanted to meet and talk to me – I said ‘no thanks’.

My midwife was great, stayed in the main room, just coming in with the doppler occasionally (I did appreciate the reassurance that the baby was going okay and checking on my progress). I also heard her fighting with Nik several times over wearing a face mask – he really didn’t get on with anyone there. I was pretty vocal – screaming apparently quite loudly by the end – but it helped.

The only way I got through it, and past fears/negative emotions that would occasionally try to creep in was by saying out loud stuff like; ‘I trust my baby’ and ‘I surrender to the process’. No choice but to just give it all up, drop everything. It was either surrender and trust, or crumble then need interventions. When it was starting to feel pretty pushy, my Midwife suggested I go back to the shower instead of the toilet as that wouldn’t be too nice for a baby. I appreciated the humour and felt really good at the mention of my baby nearly coming out and it was all going to be okay. I was mostly on all fours under the shower in Niks yoga mat after that – though they turned off the water when she came out.

The membranes came out first. She said she could pop it and it would probably come out faster, but I said no – Seemed obvious to let it all happen in its own time.

I was also offered a vaginal examination to see if baby’s head was right there or still cervix – I said no, but felt myself with relief, that the head was right there. It was partly out for an extremely uncomfortable while, until the doppler was put on and decided she needed to come out now, and I had to push without having a surge. The thought of having a c-section motivated me enough to push past the pain threshold that I’d been feeling I couldn’t get passed and her head came out. It felt like the midwives or Nik were pushing on her head, pushing her back up and I told them, ‘No, don’t do that’. But was reassured it was just the baby turning to get out. Amazing.

Nik helped catch as the rest of her came out and they passed her under me. What an insane moment – first thought was she looks/smells like a piece of meat but moving. Not far from the truth I guess hehe. I held her for a minute but quickly passed her to Nik as I felt like I was going to faint. I told him to take his shirt off and they had skin to skin while I got sorted out. Later he told me he’d cried a little holding her.

I was sitting in a thick pool of blood (was probably the waters too actually – they broke as her head came out – I didn’t feel I could get up to the bed. They said my placenta really needed to come out so I could stop bleeding and they could give me an injection in my leg to help it (oxytocin I think). I said yes because I was keen to feel better and be with Lucy and Nik. They had cut the cord which was mostly white. On the bed they told me to try pushing the placenta out but couldn’t so tugged on it a bit and it came. I had some grazing and suggested stitches. I said no – it healed quickly – They gave me water and an electrolyte drip and I drank heaps. Then there was Lucy. She suckled away and they left us in peace and quiet as requested.

 She was born at 1. So laboured 10 hours, though its all a blur really, so happy to have done it with minimal interventions despite what an effort it proved to be to say no to them. Lucy was perfect and healthy – and within the ‘normal’ weight range. They were all very surprised to see a healthy and not super tiny baby. I feel great peace at how it all went

I was able to see inside the medical system and face my fears there – and realise that I was giving the system too much power, and to stop, take back my own power and guard my trust in myself/nature like it is the most precious possession (which it really is).

I like to think that next time I’ll have the confidence to give birth in a beautiful spot in nature and not have any monitoring/check ups during pregnancy – but we’ll see.